Years ago, a young leader at an organization I parted ways with fairly quickly upon arrival asked me a question I'll never forget:

"Have you ever led before?"

The words themselves weren't the issue.

It was the energy behind them and what was being suggested with that question.

Before that experience, I had spent years leading teams, developing leaders, serving in healthcare, working with high-performing athletes, military personnel, executives, and organizations.

But what was really being questioned wasn't my experience.

It was my approach.

I didn't seem to fit the model of a “leader” in that healthcare environmen.

I cared more about people than productivity metrics.

I asked questions instead of blindly complying.

I believed leadership started with serving rather than controlling.

I believed people flourish when they feel seen, heard, valued, and trusted.

And in some environments, that feels threatening.

Because many of us have inherited a version of leadership built on domination rather than partnership.

A version that says:

Leadership means sacrificing yourself.

Leadership means carrying everyone else's burdens.

Leadership means being available all the time.

Leadership means working longer.

Leadership means proving your worth through exhaustion.

Leadership means numbers first and people second.

Leadership means "do as I say, not as I do."

For years I watched leaders encourage wellness while modeling burnout.

Preaching balance while living imbalance.

Promoting self-care while quietly sacrificing their own marriages, health, bodies, and joy.

The incongruence was impossible to ignore.

And if I'm honest, there were seasons when I lived it too.

Because that's what many of us were taught leadership looks like.

Until we begin to question it.

The Leadership Model Heaven Reveals

When I look at Jesus, I don't see domination.

I see partnership.

I don't see manipulation.

I see invitation.

I don't see fear.

I see love.

The most influential leader in human history never forced anyone.

He invited.

He listened.

He asked questions.

He created safety.

He restored identity.

He called people higher without shaming them where they were.

The Kingdom doesn't appear to operate through force.

It operates through love.

And love has a completely different kind of power.

Not weak power.

Not passive power.

Transformational power.

The kind that changes people from the inside out.

Heaven Is In The How

One of the deepest lessons I've learned is this:

Heaven is not simply the destination. Heaven is in the how.

How we lead.

How we speak.

How we listen.

How we treat our bodies.

How we treat the people entrusted to us.

How we show up when nobody is watching.

Many leaders spend their entire lives chasing outcomes while slowly losing themselves in the process.

The irony is that the outcome was never the point.

The transformation was.

The relationship was.

The person we become while walking the path was.

What if leadership didn't require your blood?

What if leadership wasn't sustained by sacrifice and depletion?

What if true influence flows from overflow rather than exhaustion?

What if peace actually made you a better leader?

What if joy increased your impact?

What if presence multiplied your effectiveness?

What if the strongest leader in the room was the one least controlled by fear?

From Dominance to Divine Partnership

The leaders I am most drawn to today are not the loudest.

Not the most aggressive.

Not the most controlling.

They're the leaders who have learned to trust.

The leaders who create safety.

The leaders who embody peace.

The leaders who no longer need to prove themselves.

The leaders who understand that people are not resources to be consumed.

They are human beings to be honored.

That feels much more like Heaven.

Not leadership through domination.

Leadership through divine partnership.

A leadership rooted in abundance rather than scarcity.

Identity rather than performance.

Love rather than fear.

And maybe the better question isn't:

"Have you ever led before?"

Maybe the deeper question is:

"From what place are you leading?"

Because where leadership begins determines everything that follows.

Five Gentle Openings: Moving From Dominance to Divine Partnership

1. Notice What You're Carrying

Ask yourself:
"What responsibilities have I accepted that were never mine to carry?"

Leadership is not ownership of everyone else's life.

2. Listen Before Solving

For one conversation this week, resist fixing.

Simply listen.

People often need presence more than solutions.

3. Lead Yourself First

Notice how you're treating your own body.

Are you modeling the life you're encouraging others to live?

4. Replace Pressure With Partnership

When facing a challenge, pause and ask:

"How would love approach this?"

Not fear.

Not force.

Love.

5. Create One Moment of Heaven Today

A slow coffee.

A meaningful conversation.

A walk outside.

A deep breath.

Leadership isn't separate from life.

The way you live is already leading someone.

May you discover that true leadership requires less force than you've been taught.

And far more love than you imagined.

Infinite love and blessings,

Nicholas