Loving And Owning Who We are

I hid myself and my experiences to be accepted.

Now I’m loving and owning who I am.

Feeling fear that I won’t be safe. That I’ll be too controversial. Too much… just by being my true self.

Fear that those closest to me, even the ones I cherish most, won’t love me as I am.

When a five-year-old boy says, “I love you,” and hears the sound of a dial tone as the phone hangs up from someone who is “supposed” to love him… that affects his nervous system. Fear quietly creeps in around him.

I see those parts of the six-year-old who fell into that river, cloaked with so much fear and rejection, that are still being released.

And there’s grace for myself in that.

Actually… fast forward forty years.

The one who hung up in that moment is now one of my best friends.

Now that’s redemption!

We are worthy to be loved and cherished as we uniquely are—in our families and on this earth.

That simple truth has been at the center of a deep realization over the last couple of months, one Heaven dropped into our path through a loving affirmation meditation by Louise Hay.

Maybe you relate to the feeling of trying to belong or fit in. The fear that whispers unless you fall in line with a group, or with everyone else, you won’t have connection.

The defining experience of my life and identity is something many people find challenging to believe: a near-death drowning experience and Heaven.

I don’t fit in a box.

Yet, we try to put a label on everything.

A personality.

A belief system.

A religious structure.

Anything that can quantify and contain us into something we think we understand.

We weren’t made in the image of man-made systems.

We were made in the image of an infinite Heaven.

Or better yet…

Years ago, I asked my youngest daughter the standard question:

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”

She wanted nothing to do with it.

With the same fierce conviction she’s had since she was a baby, she simply said,

“I like lots of things!”

She rejected the idea that she had to become one thing because someone else needed a category for her.

I’m releasing that fear that shrinks my voice because, as painful as it is to feel rejected on the outside, it’s become far more unbearable to internally reject myself any longer.

I hear Wanda in The Avengers:

“I can’t control their fear. Only my own.”

That line has stayed with me for well over a decade.

Even back then, I was still wearing the mask.

So now…

I’m writing the books.

The ones that are called “fantasy,” yet are grounded in a reality more beautiful than can be imagined.

I’m writing the book This Woman You Gave Me.

Cherishing the gift my love is, while discarding the “Ah… the wife wants me to…” version of masculinity.

Returning to the moment that has irked me since I was a boy.

Adam goes from “bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh”… the woman he is one with…

to,

“The woman You gave me…”

Fear creating separation where love had declared union.

I get to write these books and other content in my own voice, and AI becomes simply another resource for me in these creations.

Another tool used by the One who works all things for good.

It exists to support my voice, not tell me what people want so I can adapt to it.

I’m believing who I am…

Who Heaven calls me.

Whether there is one…

or millions.

Whether there are a handful of powerful women and one man standing at the foot of the cross…

The man bold enough to call himself beloved, even if others thought it sounded conceited because he simply agreed with what God called him…

or now the billions who know the Name.

Whether it looks like I need 30,000…

and all Heaven says I need is 300.

I am who I am.

Who the Father calls me.

And I am worthy to receive all that is freely given.

And you know what?

I get to have fun.

As pillars built on counting, fear, and external validation quietly crumble in the presence of infinite Love and Truth.

“Change the world”

Counting followers doesn’t matter, connection does.

And there’s only One I follow.

Who is One…

Three…

and within you and me. 

This makes it difficult for marketing professionals to connect with me, because our conversations eventually come back to expanding followers and needing bigger numbers…

And as you can probably tell…

I don’t count that way.

If my identity lives in numbers, then it’s built on shifting sand.

I’d spend my life chasing something that could never satisfy.

I’m much more interested in the firm foundation of the Heaven within us.

So when the rich young ruler no longer finds his identity in what he has, but in who he is…

He realizes he could give everything away and receive more than double back because abundance was never in what he possessed.

It was always in who he was.

True identity can never be taken away.

…I think I just saw another book in that concept. 🔥

I’m believing who I am…

And as we believe in our hearts, so we become.

Who I will be…

is who I am.

This is me.

And I believe your voice matters. 

It is loved.

It is cherished.

Far more than we could imagine.

Just as you are, right now.

Here’s to a life where each of us fully lives as our unique, powerful, radiant selves.

Who are you when you live and speak fully as the loved, cherished, and honored you?

Infinite love and blessings,

Nicholas